When I was growing up in Kenya, I hated being "labeled". Primarily because I felt like I did not fit under most of your typical labels. The one that I related to (although I would never have admitted it) was TCK, or Third Culture Kid. A kid who grew up in a culture/country that is not her passport country. I recently stumbled across this list that piqued my interest. Would it have been tacky to have this printed up in tri-fold brochure style to hand out when I came back for college? Perhaps a tad. This doesn't cover all the feelings, but it kinda fits.
1. Get to Know what a TCK is. TCK stands for Third Culture Kid. A TCK is a person who has spent a part (or all) of their childhood living in a culture other than their passport one. i.e. a German passport holder living in Ghana, Japan, and the U.S. for most of their childhood. TCKs can also just be people who have spent a little time living abroad, but have deep cultural roots. i.e. a United States passport holder born in Russia and speaking Russian at home, even though he/she only lived there for a year.
2. Don't Assume that they view their passport country or their "third culture" as home. Many TCKs feel like they don't belong anywhere. They are not enough one culture to fit in there. Nor are they enough of a second (or third or fourth) to fit in there. for TCKs their time living in another country is not "foreign" to them. TCKs are usually comfortable anywhere. Inside, TCKs often feel sad and alone. They may have trouble making friends knowing that they will probably leave soon.
3. Be Polite asking obnoxious questions is rude. Realize that many TCKs are not happy to be back in their passport country. Questions like "You must be glad to be home!" or "Oh my gosh, I can't believe you survived in _____ so long!" are not helpful. A lot of Third Culture Kids view their passport country as very foreign. Understand that all of their friends, childhood memories, and homes are spread out all over the world.
4. Respect Customs TCKs incorporate elements of the places that they have lived into their lives. Just because they celebrate a holiday or wear clothes from an unfamiliar place doesn't mean that they are weird.
5. Respect Language many TCKs speak a second (or even a third and fourth!) language. They usually don't mind questions, but shrieky pleas of "oooh, say something, say something!!" will be irritating. Multilinguility is not a freakish talent.
6. Ask Questions Politely TCKs usually LOVE questions that are not obnoxious. Thoughtful, interested questions will not be refused. TCKs are eager to share their experiences.
7. Know Who You Are Talking To understand that the person you are talking to IS NOT BRAGGING. Most TCKs can come across as bragging given that they usually lead a very different (and often coveted) lifestyle. Don't assume that the issues of cultural identity are made up. They are very real to the TCK who is dealing with them. Failure to understand this can end up alienating them.
7 comments:
Wow, # 7 is the kicker for me....I greatly dislike when people ask me where I am from (unless they are another MK-of course) because I often feel like they think that I am thinking I am better than them. Quite often I have been left feeling alienated and misunderstood. Good post and good read, gives me lots to think about!
Well, I don't think you have any trouble making friends! You are one of the most authentic, fun people I know!
I can think of some PCC freshmen that could've benefitted from your brochure! =) You're my favorite TCK!
I have never heard this term but now I understand a little more about you, my beautiful daughter in law and friend. I don't think most people like me have a clue about your experiences and it is easy to make unintentional faux pas. Not out of rudeness or meanness but not being educated. Thank you for this. I hate labels too and understand how horrible it is not to fit in, although for a very different reason/generation. You are such a blessing in my life. Love, ORMom
I remember my attempts at rejecting the TCK label as well. It never worked. A also agree with Christy whole-heartedly on #7. You may (may not) jest about the pamphlets, but if I'd had access to them my freshman year of college... I would have given them to everyone I knew. #5 made me laugh: "Multilinguility is not a freakish talent." Um, YEAH IT IS! Kidding. It really isn't a talent, actually. It's a GIFT! Some of us never mastered the language regardless of how much effort was made. My Swahili is pitiful at best.
This is really cool, Carrie. I agree with the others, it would have been great to hand out in college. The Intl Students Dept at school (no offense to them, they had great intentions) didn't do much to unite the American students with the International students and help the two groups understand each other and relate to each other.
I am so blessed that we have become close friends. I hope I never said anything offensive or foolish to you in the early years. Please forgive me if I did. Oh, and can you teach me some Kiswahili curse words? Hee hee j/k! :)
you should read my sisters poem on her blog called " I am green". It really sums up the feelings of a TCK. I still struggle some days esp now that I am living in the USA, have a New Zealand and Canadian passport but was born in Zambia. I guess Home has just become where ever I am living NOW... and if I move Home will just have to move with me :).
Your fellow TCK
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